When It's Time to Stretch


In the last year, the goals I've set have a different feel to them. My current approach, so different from my old-school control-all-the-things-push-hustle-grind, is solid. Every goal I set is aligned with an intention. I balance between taking inspired action and allowing information, next steps, and opportunities to flow in. Generally speaking, when it comes to goals, I have high confidence in achieving the desired outcome because I know what I'm capable of and that my approach is tailored to my strengths and the way I operate. 

This time, it's different. 

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Until a few days ago, I wasn't able to put my finger on just why this goal of putting a book into the world feels so other. I tend to have a lot more highs and lows in my thinking. Sometimes, I'm super confident and pumped about it all, and other times, self-doubt creeps in and asks, "Why exactly do you think you can pull this off?" And by "this," I mean not just having a published book, but putting out content that makes an impact on many people on a scale far beyond what I've done so far in my professional life. 

I have no evidence I can do this. 

We get exposed to a lot of collective thinking that exposes us to this idea that accomplishing big things has to be hard. There's an attachment to the idea that struggle is required. We are also told that it's about who we know. But let's face it—most of us don't know people, as in we don't have connections in high places. We have ideas but no way of gauging whether other people will think they are any good beyond talking to those close to us. Most of the time, all of the above stops people from taking action in the direction of doing something that feels like a major stretch. And by stretch, I mean you truly have no evidence that you can make it happen. 

So what? If every single human thought that way, invention would be dead. Why did the Wright brothers believe we could fly? Why did scientists believe we could prevent disease through vaccination? Why did anyone in their right mind believe we could travel to outer space?

It's called faith. Belief in what you cannot see and for which there is no evidence. It's powerful. It requires you to top off your tank of self-belief and to keep that baby as full as you can, even if you waver from time to time. And if you haven't done the deep work to determine why that tank is leaky or how to reprogram your old ways of thinking and habits to stop talking yourself down and seeing yourself as incapable, life is going to be a relatively dull ride instead of the exhilarating experience it could be if you can find the faith in yourself that allows you take chances. 

Do you have a secret longing to do something that feels too scary to contemplate? Is it because you don't have the evidence you can make it happen? It's time to stretch


Are other people's expectations shaping you life?


Are other people's expectations shaping your life? 

You may not even be aware of it. Messages you've received from parents, siblings, colleagues, and even your really smart friends who genuinely want the best for you may not actually line up with what *you* want or know in your heart. This has the potential to be particularly damaging if you're not in the habit of practicing self-awareness. 

To be totally transparent and raw with all of you, I'll tell you what my number 1 challenge is: self-doubt. And because it's literally my job to do so, I spend time examining my thoughts and feelings whenever that enters. First of all, I try to stay curious instead of going into self-flagellation mode. As someone who has experienced a lot of success in my life, I know that voice of self-doubt is full of $#%. So why does it keep coming up?

Here's what I've discovered about my own hang up. Since a very young age, I've been taught that showing up as myself is a problem. As you can probably tell, I'm a truth teller. A lot of people ain't trying to hear that. Truth makes them confront icky stuff and once they know about the icky stuff, they can't unknow it. That creates a discomfort, even if it's subconscious, that is actually there to force them to confront the inconvenient truth. It totally depends on the person how much discomfort it will take to do something about it, or how drastic the measures taken will be to avoid it (self-medicating with alcohol, spending, affairs, etc). 

For me, it was always "don't say that" or "you're intimidating" or "your approach makes people uncomfortable." Here's the really important thing to know, if you get nothing else from this: 

How people react to you is about their expectations, not about who you are as a person. 

I believe this is a lesson we are all here to learn. That being you is where it's at. You just have to find the courage to keep on showing up even when it makes others uncomfortable.

I recently discovered that I was allowing the perspectives of others to influence how I was showing up with a business I decided to start before I left my corporate career. I joined a network marketing company that I totally believe in and is 100% aligned with my interest in helping people physically show up in a way that's authentic to who they are. But, there are so many misconceptions and stereotypes about network marketing that I was letting others' hangups on how to or how not to integrate that into my coaching business interfere with how I was thinking/doing/planning around it all. I had to take a step back and discover the solution from my own perspective. Now that I know what *I* want to do and what works for me, I realized I was letting others' beliefs guide me, which is why it felt wrong. 

You are here to be uniquely you. Decisions and habits that run counter to that should be identified, examined, and honestly confronted within your own mind so you can make empowered choices that allow you to show up as you

Hiding creates a sense of shame where none should exist. Are you hiding yourself? 

First published on SheKC.